Pat called me a nerd for this one

Dear Wii Fit,

 I understand that you’re sorry and want to make up, but this is not the way.  And this needs to stop. 

 We’ve had a spotty history.  When I first met you I jumped on you all the time.  I know that can cause damage and really hurt you but I didn’t mean to do it.  I’m just that uncoordinated.  You must understand that when you’re walking on a tightrope and you’re supposed to jump over the unfriendly walking chomping teeth it’s hard not to jump in real life (those things are terrifying).

 So you decided to get back to me in a really humiliating way.  Moose Moose came over and though he was stumbling though his sentences, with the grace of a ballerina, he was able to break all of my records often on one attempt.  I was crushed and denounced our relationship. 

 So now that we are finally on friendlier terms you’re trying to make it up to me by saying that I’ve lost weight.  That accusation is just preposterous.  I’ve just gotten back from a two-week road trip where I almost exclusively ate fast food.  Not to mention, until last week I hadn’t worked out once in over 3 years (the day Potato and I started dating).  To say that I’ve lost weight is comical.  None of my jeans come close to zipping (they did in June I’m very proud to say).   And don’t even get me started on the arm blub…

 I would really like to start over with you Fit.  We need to be able to trust each other.  I would appreciate some loyalty when it comes to my records and I promise to try really hard not to jump on you.  But the lies must stop.

Love conditionally,

Majdel